Got up yesterday morning feeling like a cheetah; ready to run the race and WIN!!!   Avoiding mirrors – which do not always accurately reflect the person or animal you think you are (and having no need to be reminded of being a pudgy white-haired 50 something) – I lithely made my way to wake up the young male cheetah and my mate the mother cheetah.  Ducking obscenities and thrown pillows from both, I slunk down and lapped up some water and nourishment before heading out to the plains.  We 3 cheetahs  ambled through the 22,000 strong herd of Whodats, unnoticed and unacknowledged for our graceful speed.  At the sound of the gun our hearts leapt and we were off with everyone unaware that they were about to be consumed by the Pierce cheetahs.

 

Have you ever wondered about how people train and prepare for races?  I, for example, lace up my running shoes early morning, leash up my two boxers – one of which is an "anytime, anything" dog and the other who is NOT a morning dog and requires some encouragement (teeth gritting whisper yelling)to leave her warm bed.  We are very careful to not disturb Joyce – she trains on an alternate training schedule which DOES NOT include early morning runs.

 

Let’s contrast that with some Kenyans.  The Kenyans – get up earlier in the morning look down at their running shoe-like feet and head out to find some gazelles (to my knowledge there aren’t many boxers in Kenya).

 

I run around a quiet secure military base – dragging my quirky – want to smell everything and pee on stuff – dogs.  The Kenyans – grab the draft of the leaping gazelles and are off on a non-stop glide. Kenyans DO NOT have to stop and scoop poop.  I am generally (as long as I stay inside the fence line) a consumer in the food chain – nothing hunting me or smacking it’s lips for a taste of me here.  Kenyans, on the other hand, are a few links  lower in their chain.  They are actually a menu item for some of the local wildlife and need to be alert and fleet of foot.  The Kenyans are breathing in fresh unfouled African air – while I’m stuck breathing whatever’s still smoldering from out in the hood or rolling in from across the river.

 

    

 You can start to see some inequities here; the disadvantage of being a runner in this country.  Sparing the details of the run – we were beaten by the Kenyans.  In a twisted turn – they were beaten by an Ethiopian – who had the training advantage of disciplined diet.  We – the Pierce cheetahs – were interfered with from the start by Whodats that wouldn’t get the heck out of the way and some who had the audacity to run faster than us.  Of course there were also the running Whodats pulling the coolers full of Jell-O-shots and PBR.  IN the end we settled in behind a couple of tie-dyed skirt clad college girls dressed as Easter Bunnies.  They set a good pace and despite what Joyce accused – I didn’t even notice their bunny tails.  Hooters has good wings, Playboy has good articles, and – those girls were running a great pace – I never notice the tails.  My story and I’m sticking to it.

 

SO we made it – ran every step.  Longest run ever for Joyce and it was great to do it with her!   That cheetah thing?  I decided I like sloths – they’re cool and I CAN beat them.   As far as the Kenyans and Ethiopians?  I suppose I could trade in my boxers for gazelles, maybe start running out in the ‘hood with money hanging out of my pockets or dragging raw meat (pit bulls)and maybe get the speed of a Kenyan.  But you know what?  The Kenyans can outrun lions all they want – I’ll stick with chasing bunnies.

 

HAPPY EASTER and I definitely BELIEVE – in the EASTER BUNNY!!!