HAMMERS AND HULA HOOPS

Weird training week. Had to do some work on the bikes. If you know me or are related – at this point your brow is furled and you are worried. I am the son of a man whose mechanical feats include – setting the house on fire; setting a car on fire; installing a new muffler and tail pipe which wrapped tightly around the axle upon moving the car; blowing up a dryer after spending the day wiring it for a 440 outlet (or maybe 220 – is there a difference?); getting stranded on the roof after his artificial leg fell off while fixing our TV antenna; and building the original rooftop carrier for a car – out of wood. In this case the apple lays right directly under the tree. When you see me with tools you should do one of three things, punch me and knock it out of my hand (not a good idea if it’s a power tool like a chainsaw); run – because something’s about to get WRECKED; or call 911 because somebody’s about to get hurt (probably me but I did once nearly amputate one of the kids fingers accidentally). But bicycles are different for me – I have a relationship with bikes. I can tear down a bike to the smallest pieces and put it back together, with only a few parts left over. I understand bikes and know how to get them going. So 2 of our stable of 4 needed work and I set out to fix’m. Joyce left with brow furled and worried look. She kissed me and hugged me like it was our last goodbye. Usually she only lets me use the Playskool plastic work bench and tools (except the hammer) when she isn’t home – but she reluctantly let me keep at it when I promised no electricity and no hammer (even though it’s my favorite). I spent the day pleasantly tinkering and time flew by. Next thing I knew there was Joyce home from work! She looked around nervously (searching for the hammer no doubt) and sighed when I seemed unshaken. I didn’t get the bikes fixed. But here’s how I see it. I was 50% successful. That’s not bad! A baseball player who hits 50% is hitting .500 and is considered a king! Michael Jordan only shot 49.7% career and look how we think about him! I say 50% of my bikes still work so I’m pretty darned good. Some will want to point out that 100% of the bikes I worked on are broken – but that’s just cynical statistics manipulation. It’s not rocket science or brain surgery for crying out loud! You know who said "You’ll miss 100% of shots you don’t take."? Me neither – and if you can connect how that’s even slightly relevant to my argument – let me know. Anyway – saved the best tool for last. It’s that wallet sized piece of plastic I give to the bike fixer guy to get them rolling again. Once I dropped them off and got the estimates, we resumed training with deep breathing exercises. That was after we cleaned up – after Joyce shot soda out her nose and mouth , which came after I told her how much it would be to fix the bikes. Anyway it wasn’t her road bike – nothing wrong with IT except some scrapes, smudges, and hurt feelings from it’s scuffle with the trolley tracks. We found an article about a training program that makes you smile! Merisa Tomei is featured on the cover of one of the fitness mags claiming that hula hooping is great exercise AND fun AND you smile while you do it! NOW that’s something – rather than our teeth gnashing, moaning, sweating, scowling norm. Plus – unlike fitness balls – you can’t fall off a hula hoop and it can’t explode out from under you. So we plunge ahead towards the big ride. Hula lessons, the beach, and fun (I’ve been training for the fun part – I can down a whole bunch of Landshark before passing out now). Joyce is working hard on smiling through pain – I help train her by testing her patience – it’s a work in progress. May have a team forming. We have 5 of us signed in for sure so far and we’re growing. We have an RV and a REAL bike mechanic. If we could sign up a beer guy and someone who could tow a 220 pound guy and his wife for 150 miles – this would be perfect! In the meantime we’ll keep training. Bikes will be fixed this week…

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