I was driven to find my “IT” while stalled in meeting some difficult challenges.  Retirement from a long time occupation took me away from the culture, norms, lifestyle, and people I’d been with for all of my adult life.  Relocation, integration, assimilation, re-education, isolation, all came at once. Lost myself – or at least the definition of myself.  All that I used as my previous “IT” was now gone. In the military – my “IT” was handed to me.  Goals and objectives were generally clear and concise. My personal “IT” was dictated by the culture and my job. The military is full of mission statements, tag lines, mottos, and motivational sayings. It’s simple to adapt these and adopt them for personal use.  Mostly my “IT” was to be the best Coast Guardsman I could be and that covered most every aspect of my life.  Once that was gone, I was left to set my own “IT”.  To grab something new that would give a reason to get out of bed every day; motivate me to get dressed; and drive me to do something useful.

Faced with a smattering of crises over a few years post-military, I worked through them using some of my previous motivations and drivers. Useful, but not ideal.  More and more I was feeling directionless, unmotivated, and irrelevant. The last straw was major surgery – which could potentially render me physically useless.  Let’s not forget age; that merciless toll-taker, demanding payment in physical and mental abilities. Time marches on – no matter what we’re doing.  Don’t get me wrong – I have plenty of blessings and a lot of love in my life that provide motivation enough to keep plowing ahead. There’s plenty of wood for the fire – but I just needed some gas to get things going.  My wife, family, friends, dogs, and bikes are reason enough to get up but –  what do I do FOR them, WITH them, ABOUT them? To be a good Coast Guardsman was a defined vision. I needed finite skills to master my job. I needed  fitness and stamina to meet the physical demands. I needed mental and emotional focus to endure the pressures. It’s much harder to picture  the demands and mission of being a father, brother, friend,  and co-worker.  While I was active duty – my Coast Guard “IT” covered me for all of that.  When I got up and laced up my running shoes, I was running for the Coast Guard AND my family, friends, dogs, and country! Now, though – I was  not held to specific measurable standards and there was no a hard definition to the whole thing – it was too abstract. 

The time came to figure this out. I started looking for some advice and counsel on re-purposing an old sailor. Surgery happened and it was a punch that I was determined to take standing up.  I set my outlook to it being a new beginning; a do-over. I was set on coming back stronger and better. In that vein, I was looking for some rehab motivation and counsel. The physical part was easy but I wasn’t prepared for the mental aspect. I was lacking a spark, and accelerant, a vision to give me purpose. I’m already a GREAT husband, father, friend, and general human being – so no need for improvement there (my essay – must be true). BUT I was unsure about what to do after my feet hit the floor in the morning. Then, a thing happened that shook me. We were on a walk (the essence of surgical rehab) and at one point we had to cross a busy road at a marked crosswalk. As we stepped out into the road it was obvious an approaching car had no intentions of stopping, even with us in the crosswalk and the lights flashing.  I just stood facing the car with my arms out.  The driver and her passenger/ boyfriend took exception to my display and although she stopped, her passenger was angry and yelling at me.  Normally I’m all-in for that type of thing – especially when defending my wife. This time though – I got nervous – and instead of inviting the moron to bring it, I laughed it off and waved them away, while hoping that the car wouldn’t follow us to the parking lot and escalate. I could do NOTHING. Couldn’t raise my arms above my waste, lift anything, get angry, nothing. I’d used a good portion of my energy getting that far and it hurt to even raise my arms at them.  At that point I was completely vulnerable and helpless. Couldn’t defend or protect what I loved. I was irrelevant.

That was the epiphany.   I needed sharper focus – an organized method to achievement of a defined purpose. Time to stop fretting and whining about it and DO something.  “This I will defend” sounds dramatic and prolific – until you start thinking about how, from what, and with what? I needed an action plan to get there.  While perusing books from favorite authors,  I found a good way to pare it down. It was out of a fitness book , Every Day is Game Day by Mark Verstegen.  The exercise was mainly designed to set your fitness philosophy but I found that it would work across several domains.  Setting my sights on being relevant and useful, I set out to define Verstegen’s “IT” for   myself. This I will defend…and here’s how.

If you find yourself adrift and wondering what’s next, it’s time to assess where you are and where you want to be. Find your plan and get on with it. it doesn’t matter if you use a fitness book or website. Write it down – make yourself think about it. Here’s a good method from DR. Julie Conner’s blog: https://drjulieconnor.com/write-a-personal-purpose-statement/. Find something that suits you and do it.

“I was luffing, sitting head-up into the wind with no sure course to steer for any destination. I came off a sure and steady track to arrive at a waypoint beyond which no trackline had been drawn. No mission was detailed, no orders issued, no operation plan laid down. Relieved of my duties, I was free to sail on in any direction to a destination of my choice. It was not time to call for help. It was not time to abandon ship. In fact, it was time to to take true command and set off on a voyage of the heart. I have laid out my track, gave the wheel a turn, and pushed ahead on the throttles. Underway as before….” Lloyd Pierce 2020