Staying in the moment – I suck at it! For years I’ve gotten up somewhere between 3am and 5 am to get my body working and grab my morning endorphin fix. These days, it’s an extended commute to the Sheriff’s Office. Not particularly challenging. Mostly involves avoiding scurrying nocturnal creatures; not being a target for sleepy or drunk drivers; staying alert for debris and fallen limbs; dodging the occasional vagabonds and villains; and not pissing off end-of-watch patrol officers and security guards or giving them reason to stop me. Admittedly there’ve been mornings when I’ve made the trip completely mindlessly. It’s an effort to stay on my bike and in the moment mentally.

One morning this week I again proved my incompetence at staying in the moment. Took a loop, off the main route. Down past the parking garages, under the pedestrian walkway, take a right at Emily’s Diner across from the bus depot, miss the pothole (which is “in the groove” for a turning bike), miss the second pothole, cross the street, pass the receiving areas for the  Ft Harrison Hotel, wave to security, round the corner, up past the police department and back onto the trail. Those potholes are likely portals to hell. We have them here in Florida. They help God thin the herd. You can avoid them, but if it’s your time? A sinkhole might just open under your bedroom and – see ya!!!!  If you miss your portal – there are a bunch of other options to keep you on schedule. Alligators and our interstate highways are two good examples. You must stay alert down here… I didn’t.

Rounding the corner at Emily’s and the bus depot, I noticed a bus just pulling into the depot. I usually only catch the dark shadows of the Samurai and Ninja looking people waiting for the buses or sleeping on the benches, but I was off my normal schedule. The bus had murals and I was checking to see what the mural was and…. FLASH MESSAGE TO LLOYD: POTHOLE!!!!! This particular crater is about 3 ft wide and only God knows how deep.  I’m not sure it even has a bottom. It’s a wheel grabber, soul stealer that will easily swallow my front wheel, and send me headfirst to my grave. First off, apologies to anyone in central Florida awakened by a loud scream at around 0445 last Wednesday morning. My last thought was – “Shit! I’m gonna meet Jesus in these silly bike shorts, a neon green shirt, and a pirate doo-rag – I hope he didn’t hear what I screamed” I KNEW that would be my last word…I KNEW IT!. I hit the hole with both wheels and oddly things DID NOT go dark. Thinking – “Geeze this is really how it ends huh? It’s not as hot as I thought it would be.”  I turned around to see if I was lying on the pavement behind me while my spirit rode on to heaven. Not positive I’m going there, depends on which Uber I get – the Prius driven by the guy in white robe and sandals with Yanni music playing softly or the ’72 Plymouth with Ozzy Osborn’s Crazy Train blaring and Charley Manson at the wheel – TBD.  Meanwhile – remember that SECOND POTHOLE? I didn’t either.  Again, I must apologize to all who heard those screams.

I waited for the sound of hissing air leaving my tires or the thump of a broken rim. Took inventory of my body: Head, shoulders, knees, and toes (now you say, “KNEES AND TOES!”). No broken bones or lacerations – everything seemed fine – except maybe the unmentionables…. you know… the boys, the twins, the nads, the kahunas. They were screaming “DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!” I want the video – the instant replay.  I’m claiming it as a “meant to do that” skill moment, I can’t tell you what I did to avoid the ambulance ride; or how I’m here telling this story instead of lying in a bed having Sparky wiping away my drool and feeding me baby food.  How I’m telling it is: “I jumped over that portal to hell and laughed at the second one!” I think I’m ready for the Grand Canyon – maybe Evil Knievel didn’t make it, but he ain’t me!